Swallowing Pride, Finding Purpose

November 2024.

Still on the ranch. No job. Still carrying my shame around like a damn backpack.

I was living in this strange limbo — half in my old life, half in the one I was trying to build — and it was rough. I’d spend my mornings taking my son to school, then wander the property like a ghost, avoiding my wife at the time and trying not to think too hard about what my life had become.

I kept telling myself the separation would move faster, that the house sale would close, that something would break loose. But nothing did. The escrow fell through. My plan fell apart.

Money was tight — I barely had a grand in the bank, even with my family stepping in to help. And the truth is, I didn’t even know what my next move was anymore. The old version of me would’ve had everything mapped out. But now? I was just… stuck.

So I did what I could. I updated my old resume, reached out to a few past coworkers for references, and started firing off job applications like a madman.

I applied to everything. Labor jobs, warehouse gigs, anything that would get me off a chair and back into movement. I wanted to feel sore again, to feel useful.

Over 50 applications a week — not a single interview. That one stung.

I’d never had trouble finding work before. But suddenly, it was like the world was telling me, “Sit down. Not yet.”

Then I brought it up to the guys in my mentor group.

They asked, “Why don’t you just apply for something in your field?”

And honestly… I hadn’t even considered it. I’d been stubborn as hell — telling myself I was done with that industry, that it was time for something new, that I’d find meaning somewhere else. But deep down, I knew what was really going on. I wasn’t rejecting the industry — I was rejecting myself.

I didn’t want to admit that maybe God wasn’t finished with that part of my story yet.

So, I swallowed my pride. I took their advice.
And as soon as I applied for a couple positions in my own lane, I got interviews immediately.

It was like God saying, “There you go, son. Now we can move again.”

I walked into those interviews calm, confident, and honest — and I crushed them. But this time, I wasn’t looking for a title or a paycheck. I was looking for peace.

So when I got an offer from a company that actually valued work-life balance — I said yes.

That was the moment I realized something big:
Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It means getting out of your own damn way so God can start steering again.

And once I did that — everything started to move.